I got a letter from a friend recently who was feeling an acute lack of confidence in a new work situation. In addition to fighting overwhelm with the work load, she was feeling undervalued, alone and insecure about her talents. I can identify because I’ve been there, too. In fact, I think we probably all have at some point in our lives. Here are some of the things I’ve learned along the way to help cope:
- Know that you are not alone. Everyone feels a certain lack of confidence in new environments. Breathe, and remember to takes things one step at a time.
- Everyone is a beginner at something. Being an adult doesn’t mean that you’ll be good at everything. “Getting there” means putting in the time, work and effort.
- There is no substitute for experience. Flops or mistakes are the “tuition” you pay to gain experience. Be grateful, learn from them, and move on.
- Seek out those from whom you can learn. Sometimes the best friendships result from a humble request for help. If you need advice or help, don’t be afraid to ask. If you meet with resistance, move on until you find what you need.
- There will always be people better and worse at certain things than you are. Look for those people to whom you can reach out and help. Booker T. Washington said, “If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.”
- Be passionate about what you choose to do. To get good at something will take hours of work. If you don’t love what you are doing, you won’t be able to withstand the hours.
- We all come from less-than-perfect upbringings. In fact, so do our parents. While we are a product of our environment, we can grow beyond what we were given.
- Be kind to yourself. You matter because you are here. That is enough and you do not need to prove your worth.
- Aim to be the best that you can be. How do you want to be remembered after you are gone? Every day do something to get you closer to that goal.
- Reward yourself. Eat a lollipop, watch a funny movie, go for a walk. Do the things that remind you why you are happy to be alive.
- Surround yourself with good people. We all carry our own naysayers in our heads and don’t need any more around us. Look for the kernel of wisdom in what everyone tells you, but keep company with the people who believe in you and in your capacity to grow and stretch.
- Reach out to others. Ultimately, our security in life hinges on being accepted and loved. Embrace this and you will be that much more compassionate to yourself and to the others around you.
- Know that good deeds will always come back to you. Not always in the ways you expect, but always welcome.
- Never give up. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you are right.”